Every pastor to ever serve a parish has heard his share of excuses from members that somehow don't make it to service regularly. To make it possible for everyone to attend church, some witty pastor put this in the church newsletter:
This Sunday, we are going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday"
Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."
There will be a special section with lounge chairs for those who feel that our pews are too hard.
Eye drops will be available for those with tired eyes from watching TV late Saturday night.
We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof would cave in if I ever came to church."
Blankets will be furnished for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for those who say it is too hot.
Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.
We will distribute "Stamp Out Stewardship" badges for those that feel the church is always asking for money.
One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.
Doctors and nurses will be in attendance for those who plan to be sick on Sunday.
We will provide hearing aids for those who can't hear the preacher and cotton balls for those who think he's too loud.
The sanctuary will be decorated with both Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who never have seen the church without them.
