More light-bulb jokes...

How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Calvinists?
None. God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray that the bulb will be one that has been chosen to be changed.

Arminians?
The question is not how many it takes to change the bulb, but whether or not the bulb wants to be changed...

Baptists and/or Brethren?
"Change???!!!!"

Neo-orthodox?
No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light and darkness.

TV evangelists?
One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

Independent Fundamentalists?
Only one, because any more might result in too much cooperation.

Liberals?
At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still might not change it, to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.

Catholics?
None. They always use candles.

youth pastors?
Youth pastors aren't around long enough for a light bulb to burn out.

Evangelicals?
Evangelicals do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the instructions and hope the light bulb will decide to change itself.

Atheists?
One. But they are still in darkness.

campfire worship leaders?
One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

charismatics?
Three, one to cast it out and two to catch it when it falls!

charismatics?
Twenty one, one to change it, and twenty to share the experience!

conservative Anglicans?
Three. One to change it and two to storm out in protest if the person changing it is a woman!

missionaries?
10. Five to determine how many can be changed by the year 2000, four to raise the necessary funds, one to go find a national to do the job!

Southern Baptists?
109. Seven on the Light Bulb Task Force Sub-committee, who report to the 12 on the Light Bulb Task Force, appointed by the 15 on the Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Executive Committee of 5, who place it on the agenda of the 18 member Finance Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the 27 Member church Board, who appoint another 12 member review committee. If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another 8 member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a light bulb, and the Congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the light bulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a 7-member committee to find the best price in new light bulbs. Their recommendation of which hardware is the best buy must then be reviewed by the 23 member Ethics Committee to make certain that this hardware store has no connection to Disneyland. They report back to the Trustee Board who then commissions the Trustee in charge of the Janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that one more light bulb has burned out.

Nazarenes?
4 ladies. One to carefully unscrew the bulb. One to wrap it carefully and another to package it. The fourth to mail it to the mission field.

Members of an established Bible teaching church that's over 20 years old?
One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.

United Methodists?
This statement was issued: "We choose not to comment either in favour of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey, you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long- life, and tinted -- all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."

Amish?
"What's a light bulb?"