Liz McGregor reflects on something she has learned through moving back to Scotland...

Recently, in church we heard about Christians in the Middle East who are being persecuted for their faith and about the Syrian refugees fleeing for their lives and are in desperate need of sanctuary.

Have you ever thought about what it feels like to be “displaced”?

My own experience in no way compares to the trauma of what these people have been through but it was sobering to be reminded of how I felt and to ponder what it might feel like for these brothers and sisters who may soon come to live in Edinburgh.

When we returned to Scotland after years of living and working overseas, did we feel it was the right time to come home? Yes. Did the Lord confirm this to us? Yes, over and over through his word and as we prayed. Did we feel we had completed the work that God had given us to do? Yes, by his grace and enabling. Did we read books to prepare us and did our mission organisation help us? Yes, in so many ways for which we are incredibly grateful. Were we excited about coming home? Yes and No. Has it been easy? NO!!

In fact, it was much harder than we anticipated. Firstly, we struggled to manage all the normal hassles of moving: scores of decisions to be made and endless form filling, much of it online… only to find after hours of work that we’d lost all our information! Uncertainty about finances and pin numbers and passwords that are secured so well we couldn’t find them when we needed them. Frustration when I felt so cold and it was supposed to be summer, questioning why we were always tired and found ourselves overreacting to what would normally be very simple matters to resolve… all this causing me at my worst moments to wish I was back where we had come from.

And it got worse. Waking up in the morning with a sense of loss of identity and community, unable to focus long enough to stay on top of spiritual disciplines and missing friends who loved us and knew us just as we are. Loneliness was very real and the sheer effort of starting to build new relationships with people – even in church never mind with neighbours – just seemed too much.  And what to do with a life time of experience that was irrelevant to life in in Edinburgh!

Unhelpful thoughts crept in. “We must have misunderstood God’s guidance. We should just have stayed overseas until we were ready to retire. People are too busy for relationships. Why would anyone choose to live in a place that’s this dark and cold and it’s not even winter yet…” and on and on. Then, one day it dawned on me… I was grieving, grieving for what, from my perspective, I felt I had lost when we made the decision to return home.

Like all grief, it has taken time for me to come to terms with it and to acknowledge each stage of the process. Thankfully the Lord is ever faithful and patient with me, waiting until I was ready to learn once again that he is worthy of my trust in every circumstance and stage of life… but it has not been easy.

As I think about this I cannot begin to imagine what it will feel like for those who may come to Edinburgh as refugees. Yet I know from Scripture that God has always looked out for those who are lonely, displaced and afraid. Over and over he tells us that he is our “refuge and strength, an ever present help in times of trouble.” In the Old Testament, cities of refuge were provided, and in the New Testament we read the beautiful but challenging words in Matthew 25: 40 “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” Then there’s the amazing testimony of those Christians in the early church fleeing persecution who were scattered all over and who “preached the word wherever they went” (Acts 8v1-4). Perhaps these brothers and sister from the Middle East will be wonderful missionaries in our nation too.

Thank you for your part in making me feel welcome in Carrubbers and for helping me as I coped with feeling “displaced”. I pray that the Lord will remind each of us in coming days to look out for those around us who are facing the grief of loss in all its forms and to be there for them in their time of need.

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